Bootsy, Brad, And A Muthafunkin' Box.

Who's gon' turn this mutha out! Who's gon' turn this mutha out! What's the name of this town?

Yell that shit out right now. I don't care where you are. It will do you no harm. Do it. If unknown to your control you got a lip curl and your smile went from ear to ear then you just got Funk Face. What's Funk Face? Check it. Bam!:


There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who funk. Hit'em Bootsy! Funk Face Two. Check it!


Then there are those who get funked:


What's in the box Brad? It's your wife's head bro. It's always gonna be her head.

What's the difference between these two men? This ain't no LOST Jacob/Man In Black type decision. It's funk or be funked. Lifestyles. Outlooks. If you’re a fan of Bootsy then the funk has been bestowed upon you. You’ve been wiiiiiiiiinded up and you will funk away to Chocolate City, Population: Horny Horns and 100% Funkateers. If you’re a fan of Brad Pitt then you’re waiting for a box in an open country field. "What's in the box?"

Brad! Bro I told you already. It's. A. Head. Your wife's.

See I need positive relatable people in my life. That's Bootsy. He funks among the people. Don’t believe me? Bootsy got his own Twitter page. Follow him now at @Bootsy_Collins. His latest update as of this morning:

Going to LA Mon. to put Sly Stone, George Clinton, and yes Samuel L. Jackson on
the new "Boot-Z-Class" Album. Ahh Funk Me!

Now who do you want on your side? Someone made out of 14CaratGFunkRockStarDollWhoComesEquippedWithStereophonicFunk-ProducinDiscoInducingTwinMagneticFunkReceptors or someone who wants to know "What's in the fuuuuuuckin' box?"


Ask me again Brad. Ask me one mo' a'gin.

When’s the last time you felt really close to Brad Pitt? The only way I could get close to him is if I put myself up for adoption in Africa. Shit if Madonna hasn’t picked me yet why would Brangelina? Ahhh yes. That name. "Brangelina". That name is unacceptable. The first time I heard that I said "Who and what is that?" When they told me it was a name for Brad Pitt I immediately thought what a lot of you probably did, "somebody should put his wife's head in a box." Here's what I wanted Brad to do. I wanted him to call a press conference and say, "Thank you all for coming here today. First things first, anybody who calls me Brangelina I will punch you in the throat, force you to watch The Mexican and Mr. & Mrs. Smith, then cut off your loved one's head and send it to myself standing in an open field. And my apologies to everyone for Meet Joe Black. Now which one of you beeetches got something to say?". Shit Brad show up on Charlie Rose and if he brings up Brangelina bust out your best Jim "Don't Call Me Chris" Everett impression and jump across that table like Charlie was Jim Rome himself and get to whupping on that ass. Shit this is too negative.

Bootsy! Funk Face Three. Wiiiiiiiiiiiind it up!

Do not allow no one to step on your funk. Funk is it's own reward and all those who play with it are sure to master it. I belong to the nation where it's okay for someone to tell me they want to "put it in my earhole" as long as they're wearing a red, white, and blue sequin suit, star rimmed glasses, and 12in. heels. You can either live your life with someone like that on your side or someone who spent too much time trying to look like a pretty Serpico.

Didn't no one ever try and put Serpico's wife's head in no box.

Follow the ways of the funk:



Or follow this guy:

One of them will do you no harm.

Going Green

How we doing! Thanks to improv group Dirty Water for the fun show last night. The pic above is after the show when St. Pat showed up and he said "Hey Ricky let's get real for this pic right quick!".

I also had a great time on Red Bar Radio recently with Mike D., James Fritz, and Lauren Vino. You can listent to the whole show by clicking here. It's the 2-26-10 show.

Hey you know peoples in Milwaukee? I'll be performing at JD's Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee March 11th - March 13th. Get your ticket information by clicking here!

April 16th & 17th I'll be performing stand up in the first annual Windy City Burlesque Festival. Get all of your information at their website by clicking here!

Don't forget. Live Oscar tweeting tomorrow night starting at 7pm. How can you enjoy that? Well you just follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

This is the best "click here" post you've ever read right?

Alternate Movie Tag Line: Titanic

It's only fair that since it's Oscar week that we crank out an alternate movie tag line all Academy style n'shit! So here's to you Mr. James Cameron:


Apparently Cameron doesn't have the best sense of humor. Check out this story in the LA Times about a sketch that got cut from the Academy Awards this Sunday that would have had Sascha Baron Cohen and Ben Stiller making fun of Avatar. Hey Cameron! Grow a pair of balls will you, blue Na'vi ones.

Don't forget I'll be live tweeting the Oscars. Follow me on Twitter right here right now! Wu Tang for life.

An Inglorious Oscar Promo!

My boy Oscar nominated actor Christoph Walz aka Hanz Landa invites you to watch the Academy Awards in this special promo. Enjoy and don't forget to watch the Oscars. I'll be live tweeting them this Sunday night!



Follow me on Twitter here!

Alternate Movie Tag Line: Sex & The City 2!

This one's for all the ladies out there. With a Jennifer Hudson Dreamgirls roar, "I'm talking to you! And you! And you girl! Not you! And you over there, yeah girl you too, hey girl! Yep! For you as well!".

Don't Sleep On The BlakRok.

Don't do what I did. Do. Not. Sleep. On. BlakRok. What or who is BlakRok? Talk to this:



Yep. That's The Black Keys playing backup instrumentals with the following MC's on the mic:

Ol' Dirty Bastard & Ludacris
Mos Def
NOE
RZA & Pharoah Monch
Nicole Wray
Raekwon
Jim Jones
Q-Tip, Billy Danze, & Nicole Wray

Check out BlakRok.com for some in studio sessions with all of the guest's listed above. Here's one with the RZA in studio with the Black Keys:



Q-Tip in studio with the Black Keys:




Talk to that kids. Talk to that.

(Big Ups to K-Rock for waking me up to this. Big Ups Girl!)

Snoop. Vader. Adidas.

Snoop D-O-double G in a galaxy far, far, away? Nope. He's just in New York. Kickin' it with Darth Vader and some Storm Troopers. You know, bustin' out their brand new shoes n'shit. Just another day in the NYC.